8 Ways to Support a Friend with a Hospitalized Child

If you have a friend with a hospitalized child you may find yourself at a loss as to what you can do to help. Coming from one of those moms, here are eight ways to support your friend that has a hospitalized child.

8 Ways to Support a Parent with a Hospitalized Child

Being the parent of a chronically ill child is the most helpless feeling in the world. Time spent in a children’s hospital is exhausting, monotonous and, if you’re lucky, uneventful.  If you are the friend in this equation, there are some things that you can do during what is quite possibly the most trying time of your friend’s life.  Thank you for wanting to be that friend.

Sure, you’re watching Facebook for updates but what else can you do to support your friend?

1. Don’t stay silent

It may not feel like it, but reaching out is one of the most effective ways of helping.  This does not necessarily mean that they will respond right away – if at all.  It is, instead, truly the thought that counts.  If your friend doesn’t respond it could be that there is just too much going on, they read and mentally responded to your text (I do that even when my kid’s not in the hospital – ha!), or that they are in the cafeteria scoping out the dinner prospects for yet another night in, etc…

Just because they may not respond right away that doesn’t mean they didn’t see your message or that they didn’t read it and it certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t appreciate and won’t remember your effort. In our experience, there were a handful of non-family members that went above and beyond during our 3-month-long hospital stay.  I will never forget their initiative and I promise you that your friend will remember your effort also.

2. Ask

Ask what you can do to ease their boredom and/or calm their nerves.  Perhaps bring them a book, a Sudoku puzzle, or maybe some coffee and a relaxing game of Scrabble while the child sleeps? Offer to sit with their child while they get some much needed outside air.  For your friend, sometimes just getting up and walking around without feeling guilty is heaven when they’ve been cooped up for days, weeks or even months in the hospital.  Keep in mind that their answer may be for you to do nothing at all.

3. Do it anyway

Your friend’s needs are not important to them right now. Depending on how well you know your friend, you may know what they need better than they, themselves do.  Your friend is so focused on their child that many times they don’t realize that they are neglecting themselves in the process.  When you visit, bring a $15 gift card to Chipotle or Subway etc… It doesn’t seem like much now but they will use it at some point and they will be grateful for it when they do.

4. Take their other child(ren)

If your friend has other children offer to take them for the afternoon. Go see a movie or play mini-golf; anything to have a little fun while your friend gets some rest or one-on-one time with their hospitalized child.

5. Listen

When you ask your friend how they are doing and they respond that they are “fine” or “just tired” be silent for a few moments.  Their automatic response may be that they are fine, tired, restless, bored, exhausted, etc but there is so much more to it than that. By staying silent you are giving them the chance to fully process their answer and your friend, whether they realize it or not, needs to talk and for you to listen.

Just one word of caution — please do not say that you understand how they feel unless you really and truly do.  While true empathy is always appreciated, it is absolutely okay that you do not understand their emotions. The point is that you are there and you are trying.

6. Clean

If given access to their home (to take the trash to the curb, bring in the mail while they’re gone etc) clean up a bit before they get home. Throw up some banners and balloons… after a stay in the hospital it is so exciting not only to be coming home, but to walk into a celebration of being home!

7. Say you’ll be there. And then be there.

Visit your friend in the hospital if possible. If they have been in the hospital for longer than a week or two, visit often even if only for short periods of a time. It may sound too easy, but having a friend say they’ll show up and then having that friend actually show up means so much.

For example, if your friend’s child is having surgery, sit with them in the waiting room. You don’t have to talk – heck you could even bring your laptop to get some work done – the point is that you’re there.

When the nurse comes out with updates, your friend is not alone. When the surgeon comes out to talk about the procedure, your friend is not alone. When it’s time to move up to the PICU waiting room, your friend is not alone.

Your friend feels scared, they feel helpless, they feel bored, but at least they don’t feel alone too.

8. Remember important dates

After your friend’s family is home from the hospital, chances are there will be future checkups and tests. Text your friend to see how the checkups went.  If you’re worried about remembering those dates, set an alarm or reminder in your phone.  It will mean a lot that not only you offered your support during their stay, but that you haven’t forgotten them afterward either. Adjusting back to “normal” life can be difficult as well.

Having a hospitalized child is never easy, but it is so much easier when you have the right friends to help get you through. Thank you for wanting to be that friend!

More resources for families with ill children

Your Child’s First Cardiology Appointment (What to Take, What to Expect)
Warning Signs of Heart Failure in Children
What is a Congenital Heart Defect? Statistics You Need To Know From a CHD Mom
Ways to Help Prepare a Child for Their Sibling’s Surgery
Things I Wish I Would Have Known About Having a Critically Ill Child
Caden’s Feet: Walking the Path of Congenital Heart Defect {CHD Parent}
Dear Jimmy Kimmel, Welcome to The Heart Club
Living With CHD: Learning Barriers for Children with Congenital Heart Defects